


Craving

by Lets_Queer_Things_Up



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Depression, Eating Disorder, F/F, F/M, Grief, Human!Allura, Human!Shay, Keith and Shiro are bros, M/M, Shallura-centric, Shiro's P.O.V, Shiro-centric, Smoking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, because it's 3 am and i'm desperate, breakdown - Freeform, broganes, highschool!au, human!coran, mentions of Allura/Shay, mentions of Matt/Shiro, neurodivergent characters, queer characetrs, some klance and hunay in the background, teenagers trying to deal with emotions and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 16:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11740809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lets_Queer_Things_Up/pseuds/Lets_Queer_Things_Up
Summary: Life is full of surprises. Some, are worse than others.Join Shiro as his last high school year is fully loaded emotionally.Between Keith's breakdown, Lance's insecurities and Allura's grief, he tries his best to navigate this year without too much drama. Still, drama seems to follow him and his friends around.





	Craving

The smoke from Allura’s cigarette seemed to bite my eyes as I sat next to her.  
I knew seeing Shay with Hunk would be hard for her - not that she wasn’t aware. Hunk, being the loyal friend he was did not give in to his emotions towards Shay immediately after their break up. And it wasn’t like their break up was a messy ordeal.  
Still, I knew how painful it was to see someone who once made you feel so much be happy with another person.   
“This is highly unhealthy, and you know that.” The words seemed shallow even to myself, and Allura’s response kind of surprised me.  
“Then why won't you take it?” Her voice, usually bubbling with emotions sounded empty.   
I was aware that she had recently suffered a great loss, her father had died and she had to move in with her uncle. I guess grief mixed with jealousy wouldn't be the companions whom she needed right now.  
Slowly inching towards her, I slowly started rubbing circles into her back, doing my best to release her tension. 

\- - - 

I knew my adoptive family would never accept us. Don't get me wrong, I loved them very much but both Keith and I were very aware of their conservative views. Hence why I used to spend most of my time at the Holt's house when I was dating Matt.   
Despite our break up, we remained close friends and we both still had each other's backs.  
"Good morning Takashi, glad to see you here." Mrs. Holt was like a second mother to me, and I couldn't help but smile when she kissed my cheek. The Holts were a close knit family, and I was glad they let me grow so close to them.   
Still, I was secretly praying she wasn't aware of the fact that Matt was still sleeping - and would most likely wake up with a hangover.  
I've never took a liking to drinking. I loved being in control of myself, both physically and emotionally, and alcohol took that away from me. Which was why Matt always insisted I'd come with him whenever he went to a party. I suppose i was of use to him - could drive him around after the party.   
Back when we were just friends, these drives were sometimes quite awkward. Matt didn't get drunk often but when he did, he'd get really passionate about anything, and I'd be stuck with his rambling. In a way, it also helped me find a way to ground myself. Whenever I was waking up in the middle of the night covered in sweat and hyperventilating, having a voice talking to me would help me.   
Of course, it also depended on the voice.   
I've found Matt and Hunk to have the most soothing voices. Allura and Lance tended to show too much their emotions through their voices, which sometimes brought more anguish than comfort. Katie had a nice voice but it wasn't really effective on me, and Keith tended to shut down whenever he sensed my despair.  
Now, of all these people only Keith and Matt were aware of this need I had to have someone ramble. However Lance along with Hunk loved sending voicemails - quite heartwarming, since both of them tended to send you at least one voicemail per week to motivate one or just make one feel better.   
I knew about Katie's voice thanks to my constant presence at the Holt household, it was also there that I've heard Allura's voice in a time of need.   
I had just woken up from yet another night terror, and was slowly coming back to reality when I've heard her - she was talking about something with Katie. I was glad that the two girls of our group of friends were getting along that well. I had known that Katie felt kind of alone before Allura had joined us: not only was she the only girl in the group, she was also far younger than all of us. Of course we were all her friends, even Matt although their relationship could be rocky sometimes, but no one was as close to Katie as Allura has been. 

\- - - 

Keith's breakdown crept silently but I could feel it coming. It had been years since it last got this bad - it killed me seeing Keith in this state. Never leaving his bed. I fed and showered him whenever I could, but had to leave him to my adoptive mother's hands.   
I knew Nyma and Rolo had tried conceiving a baby of their own but never managed to. In a way, I was glad they were the ones to adopt us.   
As unusual and argumentative as they were, they have always ensured we'd have something to eat, but most importantly they helped us feel like we were loved. Like we mattered. Now of course, I was aware that their job wasn't their only source of income, and after the incident that left me in a prison full of racist policemen, I'm I have avoided their other jobs.   
Of course, the whole gang was worried about Keith, not that I told them the truth - Keith's depression was something only Keith should tell them. Still, Hunk passed me freshly baked goodies, and even Lance seemed to be missing his ""rival"", constantly trying to contact Keith by texts. The Holts were also concerned, but they weren't as expressive - for which I wanted to thank them.  
As far as I knew Allura was concerned about Keith, but in all honesty it's not like her mental health was in a good state.   
In fact, I haven't talked to her ever since we skipped Iverson's class after she had seen Hunk with Shay for the first time, but I have seen her in the school corridors.  
I have never liked skipping classes, and was quite strict towards those of my friends who wouldn't take their education seriously. This was probably the reason why they insisted on calling me "dad".   
I've never been the one to pry into someone else's life, but I'd lie if I said I wasn't worried about Allura.  
Which was why, when Katie proposed she'd go to her place with a few freshly baked muffins, I felt no shame asking her to try to get out as much information about her mental state as possible. 

\- - -

"Wait what?" I felt that Lance's words could potentially hurt Pidge, but they were also the most accurate response.   
"Look, I just need some more time to figure this whole 'gender' thing out, and well I'd be more comfortable if you guys call me Pidge and use them or they as pronouns. I'd say it's not a lot to ask of you."  
"No, that's not what Lance meant. We can do that, we're just surprised. You never seemed to struggle with this before, or at least we didn't notice if you did."   
Slowly, I put my hand on Pidge's shoulder, feeling their muscles tense. Before I could add something, we were joined by Lance and Hunk, and soon we were all hugging each other.  
Those were the moments I feared at first. Growing up with limited physical contact, it took me a few years but I was now comfortable with it. Keith was still working on it, but he has made a tremendous progress and I couldn't have been any prouder of him.  
Now, those were the moments I looked forward to. A hug was so much simpler than words, and it was straightforward. Not being too at ease with words, I had preferred to show my feelings rather than simply declare them. Plus, with verbal communication, it was easier to create confusion. I let myself relax against the hug and could feel the tension in Pidge’s muscles slowly fading.  
The bell rang urging us to let go of each other and head towards our respective classes.

\- - - 

I was more than surprised to see Lance at my home. Rolo along with Nyma were gone for the night and I had to go buy groceries before joining Keith.  
Lance, being in most of Keith's classes (and his self proclaimed rival) usually passed any important information to me, seeing as Keith was still glued to his bed.  
"It's not school related. I just, well I guess you could say I miss Mullet. I know he's in good hands, but I just want to see if there's anything I could do to help." Maybe I should've told him to go back to his house but I couldn't deny him.   
I was relieved Lance offered to cook us something - my culinary talents only included noodles, and I knew Keith would need more than this.   
While Lance was preparing us a dish, I peeked inside Keith's room.   
As one would expect, he was laying in his bed, but he wasn't sleeping.   
I walked towards him, and explained our current situation. I could see a sense of panic rise in him when I mentioned we weren't alone. Without saying much I pressed my forehead to his, looking into his eyes. This was one of the best way to ground Keith, and this time it helped him find his composure.   
The meal went surprisingly well. I fed Keith but Lance made no comments or remarks. On the contrary, he kept on talking to Keith about lessons, his mischiefs alongside Pidge and Hunk. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw Keith. I didn't know if Lance realized what he had done, but Keith looked much better than he had beforehand.   
I have heard that reaching out to a depressed friend can make a change in their life but I've never known it was true.   
I left the two of them for a few minutes, and by the time I came back, Keith's eyes had a ghost of happiness I haven't seen in weeks.   
Lance didn't want anything in return for his help, and after helping Keith change into a new pair of pyjamas I decided the following day I'd go and pay a visit to Allura.

\- - -

To say I was intimidated when I saw her house would be an understatement. I have seen big homes before, but this one had some kind of royal aura surrounding it. That, and the atmosphere was thick with a tension I knew all too well.   
I was greeted by an unknown man, who introduced himself as Coran. I could tell he was suspicious of me, not that I blame him. Few people didn't. My bulky structure was kind of a put-off I guess. Still, Coran let me in. He led me to Allura's room, and left us to our privacy.   
The room in itself was as big as my house. Right next to the door stood a desk with a computer and various papers, all neatly ordered in different categories. Near, stood a long mirror, on the opposite of her wardrobe. Standing in the door, I was facing a king sized bed.   
Allura looked so small compared to her room.   
For a moment we stood in the doorway, facing each other before she silently let me in.   
"I'm sorry for showing up without a warning but I barely saw you at school and I just wanted to check up on you." I felt like everything would break if I raised my voice above a whisper. Additionally, I figured Allura wouldn't appreciate it if I spoke too loudly. I remembered all too well the feeling of despair I've felt when my parents died. And I was only six, whereas Allura was turning eighteen, which meant she had knew her father much more than I knew mine.   
She took her time before replying, and even then her reply was almost impossible to hear.   
"Thanks for checking up, I'm fine." It's as if she hadn't had a conversation since her father had died. Which, now that I thought of it, was a possibility I shouldn't deny.  
Tentatively, I put one of my hands on her shoulders, and with the other I ensured she was looking me in the eyes.   
I could see tears brimming in her multicolored eyes, and letting out a sigh I let her go.   
"May I hug you?" Her reply was a simple nod. I was expecting a tender hug, but instead Allura had clung onto me as if her life depended on this.   
I could feel her hot tears wetting my shirt and I was glad I came to see her.   
Allura has always been one of the strongest people I've ever known and somehow I felt like she hadn't let herself cry and grieve beforehand.   
Pulling her closer, I could feel the smell of her shampoo filling up my nostrils, and I pressed my lips against her forehead for a second.   
I don't know how much time had passed but by the time we let go of each other my arms were kind of sore.   
We sat on her bed, and I started asking her questions, mostly about her father but also about Coran and herself.   
As I had thought, she had been very close with her father ever since her mom had walked out on them.   
Coran, as I learned, wasn't exactly family, he had been best friends with her father and has always been around for as long as she could remember.   
It was Coran who had helped raise her when Alfor had to work extra hours to ensure they would still have a roof over their heads and food to eat.  
"Thank you." Her whisper surprised me, and when I looked at her, I saw a ghost of a smile on her lips.   
I softly smiled back.  
This was the moment it all went wrong.   
It wasn't a long or deep kiss, our lips have barely brushed against each other when we both realized what was going on. She pressed a hand against her mouth in sheer surprise and my eyes widened looking at her.   
Before she could say anything in her defense, I rose up and mumbled an excuse about having to check up on Keith.   
I never looked back as I walked towards Keith's motorcycle, the soft taste of her lips on my mind.

\- - -

"Shiro, we need to talk about what happened yesterday." If one person would call you in the morning of a Sunday it was Allura.  
"There is no need to apologize." I was kind of curious to see why she'd kissed me yesterday, but felt too embarrassed to call her after I had ran away from her.   
"I insist." I supposed she took my silence as an invitation to talk.  
"I know this was unfair of me. I've been having a hard time dealing with my feelings after the passing of my father. And yesterday when you were so kind and gentle with me I got it all mixed up and my feelings got the best of me. I am sorry about what had happened and I hope you can forgive me." Honestly I could understand. I knew what it felt like, when you felt no one would be able to love you as much as the person who had died and then another person would show up and show you they care and that you matter to them. I let out a slight chuckle.  
"There's no need to apologize Allura, I understand more or less what you're going through. I don't think any differently of you. Believe me." I had hoped my words would reassure her.

\- - -

Despite my words of encouragement to her, I couldn’t stop but thinking differently of her. In fact, everything was different. My head was constantly throbbing with an invisible headache, and I felt numb to everything and everyone around me. Matt had inquired me, trying to figure out what was happening, but my concise, one worded answers didn’t help him.  
I’ve never felt like this before. Sure, I have been in relationships, with both girls and guys, some were more physical, others more emotional, but I’ve never felt this sort of numbness.  
I have tried to fill it with something, anything.  
Reading, playing Keith’s guitar, video games with Pidge and Matt. None of these helped. The numbness in me had persisted.  
In the nights, I laid awake, too numb to sleep, my mind in a hazy state, trying to think of anything, to get myself to feel. I knew it was helpless, but the next morning I would get up, get dressed, and go to school.   
There were glances and staring. Mostly in classes, where Allura was seated in front of me. Sometimes, she stared at me as well. I could feel her hot gaze, sending chills down my spine.   
We didn’t really talk, but I could see in her eyes, like shattered aquamarines, that she also felt amiss. Although I supposed it had more to do with the death of her father, rather than a meaningless peck.

\- - -

I was relieved to see Keith back in school. Of course, he had been stuck in bed for several weeks but thankfully he caught up to the rest of his classmates.  
This, as he told me, was thanks to Lance, who passed him all the lessons.  
I had actually thought that the two of them were over their petty rivalry, when one day they stopped acknowledging each other.   
I had no idea what had happened and Keith wouldn't tell me anything.  
So, quite similarly to the way Lance had surprised me at my own home, I decided to pay him a visit in his household.   
I was greeted by Lance's mom, and learnt he hasn't come back home yet. Feeling slightly perplexed, I called Hunk figuring Lance would crash at his best friend's house.   
"He didn't want me to tell you where he's going. But he's not in trouble, I promise you Shiro." I knew Hunk was loyal as a dog, but it was no secret he wasn't a great secret keeper.   
I managed to find out Lance was at the library, and he was clearly waiting for me.  
"Hunk told me you wanted to see me?" His posture seemed natural and laid-back, and I felt myself relax as well.  
I should've known.   
I confronted him about Keith. I wasn't sure what I was expecting but I've never thought I'd ever witness Lance cry. Of course, he wasn't ashamed of speaking up about crying, but he also constantly wore smiles and made jokes. Kind of lost as to how to calm Lance down, I started by running my fingers through his hair. This was something I'd noticed Hunk did a lot to Lance. My guess was correct, and his tears soon disappeared completely from his face.   
Without giving it much thought I took him to his favorite café and bought the two of us hot chocolates with tiny marshmallows inside. They were too sweet for my tastes, but they were Lance's favorites.  
Jealousy.  
Somehow I must've missed it. I haven't noticed it consuming Lance on the inside. I felt sick to my stomach, but whether it was because of the disgustingly sweet beverage or Lance's tone when he spoke about himself and Keith.   
"Lance, you truly under appreciate your talents. Let me be honest with you." he looked up at me, and I could see hope glistening in his eyes.  
"Now, I’m not going to lie, we both know Keith is tremendously intelligent academically, but that doesn't make him any better from you. You are a better person than you give yourself credit for. Remember when Keith was too sick to come to school? He spent all his days in his bed, barely alive. That day when you came? He might've seemed gloomier than usually to you, but, quite on the contrary, that was the moment he started showing signs of being alive. This is something you managed to Lance, all by yourself." His eyes widened and his jaw dropped to the floor. To be fair, I felt terrible about outing Keith like this, but something had to be done about Lance’s crushing lack of self-esteem.  
“But, you cannot possibly be perfect in everything that you do Lance. This is why I want you to try and learn to settle back sometimes. Don’t pick all the fights and overwhelm yourself.” I had sincerely hoped that he wouldn’t misunderstand me. His smile told me the opposite.   
We hugged each other, and all I could think of was the disgustingly sweet aftertaste of that hot chocolate.

\- - -

Groaning, I tried to focus on anything. My vision was too blurry and the splitting headache was enough for me to want to die. Even breathing was a task almost impossible to achieve. In fact, I had to open my mouth in order to be able to fill my lungs with oxygen. Feeling the soft pillow around me I tried to figure out what had happened.  
My last clear memory was leaving the Holt’s household alongside Matt and Mr. Holt for our annual fishing trip.  
Every year for the spring break we went fishing together. I loved that, it made me feel like I was part of the Holt family.  
With a soft whimper, I dozed off.

\- - -

I can't remember when was the last time I have felt such despair. I thought it was unbearable after that peck, but it was now insufferable. When the nurse had informed me what had happened I threw up. Three consecutive times.  
Now, everything made sense. My headache, dizziness, difficulty breathing. My right arm, or lack of it.  
The worst was the crushing guilt. Matt and Mr.Holt were still in a coma. The other driver was still glued to a bed, but he was awake. The thought of meeting him made me throw up even more. It seemed unfair that the drunk who drove into our car would survive and the two Holts could possibly not even make it.  
Everyone who has talked to me tried reassuring me that the accident wasn't my fault. Although I trusted these people with my life, I couldn't believe them.   
The idea of me being the sole survivor out of the three of us was absurd. I wished I could swap places with them - I would've given anything to ensure their survival, even if it meant that I would die. 

\- - -

I have never been particularly close with Shay, which was why I was surprised to see her visit my room all by herself.   
"Shiro, I'm sure you guessed I didn't come here just to make small talk." Shay's voice was surprisingly smooth and gentle for someone her size. She had answered all my questions about my other friends beforehand, for what I was glad.  
"Hunk told me about your eating." If I knew Hunk, it was most likely by accident.   
"He's really worried, and thought I could help you." Raising one eyebrow felt similar to lifting an elephant, but I managed to accomplish this task.  
"You see, I know what it feels like, to be so caught up in guilt that you cannot eat. A few years ago, a very important person in my life has passed away, and much like you, I felt unable to eat." Her hand, first balled up on her knee slowly made its way to my left arm, and gripped me gently.  
"I want you to know, that recovery is possible, and it will be hard. I still struggle with it myself. But you know, we won't be alone in this. There is professional help available. And we aren't leaving your side. We are going to help you." I wasn't sure how to respond. I think she took my silence as acceptance and thanks, because with a soft smile she pressed her lips against my forehead, whispered a goodbye and left.  
Once she was out of the room, I threw up again. I didn't want my friends to be dragged into this. They had problems of their own, and most of them relied on me to help them. The thought of letting them help me was unbearable. It was bad enough I would be a physical burden, I shouldn't wreck them emotionally as well. 

\- - -

Reading. This is how we've met. Sure, all of my friends were avid readers, but my taste in books was a tad different from the others. As much as I enjoyed fantasy and murder mysteries, the genre I've always spent most of my time in was the classics.   
I remembered the first time I saw her, her long white hair tucked into a messy bun on top of her head. We instantly bonded over our shared love of the Brönte sisters, and soon Allura became a permanent member of our group of friends.   
I felt it was fitting that she’d be the one to come into my room with a book tucked under her arm, and on my better days I could manage to read a few sentences by myself.   
Still, I have grown quite fond of the moments spent together, with Allura reading to me a book of our choosing. It felt strangely intimate, as if I was listening to her own thoughts.   
Those moments were a perfect mix, because we were together without one being too overbearing. As much as I delighted in the moments spent with those close to me, they had a tendency to drown me with their stories and questions and I would float away. I’ve always hated dissociating, and ever since I've woken up, it was harder to stay completely grounded.   
Except when Allura was reading.   
"When you fall in love, it is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides. And when it subsides, you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots are to become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.” Allura’s voice slightly wavered at the harshness of Louis de Bernieres’ words, but she continued reading “Capitan’s Cornelli’s Mandolin” and I watched her.   
She was sitting on my left side, and that was a good thing. I felt terribly self conscious of my stump, where was once situated my right arm. Her back was slightly arched, and she wore a soft, almost invisible smile. I couldn’t help but feel myself relax a bit as I observed her relaxed features. This was the least stressed I had seen in her in what felt like years, although I knew only a month could’ve passed from the day we skipped Iverson’s class together.  
We shared a few smiles, and I was surprised to notice how despite my memory blanks, i could still remember the taste of her lips on my own.

\- - - 

Nothing can truly prepare a person for losing a limb. According to pretty much everyone i have been making impressive progress but it didn’t seem this way to me. I saw their words as an empty niceness to make me feel better.   
In a way, I was glad that I was with Hunk when I broke down. Using his too smooth to be real voice, he managed to ground me, and afterwards, his hand made their way onto my shoulders, where, albeit a bit too harshly, he massaged me until my nerves felt a new form of relief.  
“Shiro, we mean it. I mean, I doubt any of us know any other disabled person, but you’ve gone really far in the few days that have passed between your first day out of the bed, and today. I cannot possibly imagine how hard this is for you, but i want you to know that we’re here for you. And, well if you ever want to vent about how hard it is, to lose an arm, we’ll listen.” I could see his lips moving, forming other words, but i couldn’t focus, my head was spinning - most likely a secondhand effect of my lack of nutriments, and the numbness.  
I felt a sense of regret after Hunk left me. It was clear to me that all these people cared for me so deeply, and cared for the Holts. And here I was, unable to help Matt and his father, and dragging everyone else down by being a cripple.

\- - - 

I knew this was my last day at the hospital, and a part of me was glad. I disliked being in here, knowing that there were others who needed medical attention as much, if not more than me. Still, there was something I would miss.   
She was sitting on my left side as per usual. Using a few pillows, I propped myself, until I was sitting up as well. Her posture seemed so open and calm. I couldn’t understand how could she feel so at ease. Personally, I felt like a volcano, ready to erupt at any moment.  
In all honesty, it felt nerve-wrecking to me. Still, while she was reading, I slightly inched my untouched hand towards her, until our palms gently brushed. I winced, feeling her stare on me.   
Ready to give her any excuse, I was surprised when her fingers slid between mine. I risked glancing at our hands, and then at her face. Seeing the tiniest tint of blush on her cheek, I could feel my face heat up like butter on fire.  
We didn’t let go until the very end.

\- - - 

I had texted Keith that I wasn’t sure when exactly I’d get back home, and that he shouldn’t wait for me. I was aware that Rolo and Nyma were away, on a business trip, of the type of business I made sure neither Keith nor I would participate in ever again.   
Still, I wasn’t too impressed with my younger brother. Nor Lance.  
Don't get me wrong, I love both of them dearly, but coming home to see your brother and a close friend of yours making out like it's their last day on earth, isn't exactly amazing.  
“Well, now I will have to get back into that hospital just to get that sight out of my memory.” I smirked at Keith, watching his cheeks grow red from a slight embarrassment.  
“Oh c’mon Shiro, it was just a peck. It’s not even that big of a deal, I mean you out of all people should get it. Yeah, sure it was with Lance and-” my snorting interrupted Keith’s ramble.  
“Dude, don’t worry. I was only teasing you. I’m glad Lance and you have figured things out, although I wouldn’t have guessed it would end up like this. I’m happy for you Keith. And for Lance as well. I have seen you guys working together and having fun alongside each other for a few years already. I know the two of you can bring out the best for each other.” Putting an arm on his arm, I tried sending him my most reassuring smile. He returned a soft smile of his own.   
“But, out of sheer curiosity. When did you guys-?”  
“It all started a bit before your accident. I remember getting pissed off at a guy in our class - can’t remember what he’d done. And, everyone tried calming me down, but Lance… I don’t know what was it, but he was the one to whom I listened the most. And then, after your accident I… you… You didn’t regain consciousness for over two weeks. And I… Well, it was Lance actually. One day he just, told me he’d walk me back here. And then, invited himself here, told me he wouldn’t leave my side. He told me that he knew he wouldn’t be able to replace you, but he wanted to ensure I had someone with me. If Rolo or Nyma had any doubts about the possibility of the two of us secretly dating, these doubts were gone in the first five minutes of hearing Lance talking about girls.” Oh right. Rolo and Nyma wouldn’t approve of Keith dating Lance.  
“And then, at some point? I started having these recurring night terrors. Where none of you woke up. And at some point, I started talking about them with Lance. He also opened up. A lot. And I mean? We just? It just kind of happened all of its own. We mutually decided to give it a try, and so here we are.” Keith looked at me with an uncertainty and a certain vulnerability that i’ve never seen, or maybe seen ages ago and forgot it existed. With a sigh, I pulled him into a hug.  
“I’m not judging either of you Keith. I’m glad you have each other.” My words must’ve taken a great burden from his shoulders, and I could feel his sobs shake his whole body.  
I had known for quite some time that Keith was gay. Personally, I never had anything against his homosexuality, personally I could like anyone, no matter their gender, but I knew Nyma and Rolo wouldn’t share our views. It hurt me to see Keith hurting because of whom he loved. At the same time, I was glad Lance made all the effort he did for Keith. I kissed Keith’s forehead, looking at my prosthetic arm.

\- - - 

“Pidge, I’m sorry. About what happened to your brother and father.” Out of all of my friends, Pidge is the one whom I spent the least time with ever since my awakening.   
Of course, it was understandable that they’d rather stay with their father and Matt, but my guilt persisted.  
“I’m sorry Shiro, I’m really not in the mood right now-” their words were cut short as we reached the lockers. We watched with terror the different insults on our lockers.  
“How did anyone know?” Pidge’s voice didn’t go over a whisper, but I knew they were referring to the insults whom they were the victim of. “Tranny” and “she-male” were written all over their locker.  
“We need to find out who did it. Now.” Without giving it much thought, we ran towards the principal's office, hand-in-hand.  
Soon, we were both scrubbing the violent insults off. I could see hot tears forming in their eyes, and without much thought, I hugged them.   
"We'll find out who did this. I promise."  
Pidge was never one to loose control over their emotions, but they''ve been through so much for the past month, I felt it was way too unfair on them.  
We had later found out, thanks to Pidge and Hunk hacking into the schools system that Lotor had been the one to spread the rumors, although no one knew from where did he get the information. In a way, it was a good deed for me, because whatever grudge Pidge had against had completely disappeared after this incident.

\- - -

The best news of the year, was the awakening of the two Holts. Thankfully physically they haven’t changed much, and what happened to them while they were out, had seemed to make them even better humans than they have been before ((if such thing is possible of course)).  
Despite not being in class for over two weeks, Matt had one of the best grades in the whole damn school on his diploma. Indeed, despite almost dying in the hospital, he still managed to pass his exams and get into the school of his dreams.  
Both Allura and I had managed to get good grades as well, which ensured our places in the schools of our choices. Despite the fact that I should’ve been happy that everything was over, I couldn’t help but feel ill at ease. I had spent the last four years of my life here, and I would now move to another continent. The thought alone made me dizzy, and combined with my everlasting numbness, it was strong enough to make me lose my balance.   
This was when I noticed her. She was talking with a friend of hers, whose name always escaped me. Letting out a sigh, I calmly came closer, and at my sight, the other girl excused herself before walking away.  
“Hey.” both of our voices seemed off. My heart started beating like an animal trying to free itself from a cage, and my head started throbbing again.  
“I just, wanted to, uh, wish you good luck. In your future. I hope Bristol will treat you well.” The more she talked, the more mechanical I felt, like I wasn’t a human being, but instead, a robot.   
“Oh, thank you. I’m sure you’ll do great in McGill’s.” Even my voice sounded metallic.   
We stayed like this for a moment, none of us moving, with a sort of tension rising between the two of us.  
“I’m sorry I have to, uh,” Awkwardly, she motioned a direction, but our eyes never left each other. I nodded, and she left.  
The numbness in me seemed to roar, and sharp pain shot through my head. I let out a small cry of surprise, or maybe pain, grabbing my head. As if on cue, Keith showed up, along with the rest of our group of friends. All very concerned, they drove me back home.

\- - -

This was getting out of hand, and I needed to know. I still had almost two months left here in Canada, and I knew Allura was staying here as well.  
We agreed to meet up in our favorite cafe. The place was filled with books, and once you were done with your drink, you could lurk around and read for a bit.  
Sitting down, I smelled my coffee to help me ground myself, and calm down as I waited.She joined me, her latte in her hands, in a matter of seconds.  
“You wanted to see me?” There was no denying the question in her voice. It wasn’t malicious, but cautious. I fixed my gaze on my coffee, breathing in its specific smell.  
“Yeah, figured I should repay you for the time you spent reading me those books.”   
“Really, Shiro, there is nothing to repay me for. We both agreed on the books, and I don’t mind reading out loud.” I risked looking at her, and my jaw dropped.  
“Allura, you look stunning.” And she did. Her hair was cut into a bob, and below her eyes she had pink boomerang shapes. She smiled at me.  
“Thank you.” She took a sip of her latte, and I could feel all my emotions flooding me. The usual numbness was present of course, but for once in a long time, I could feel something else. A mix of desperation, courage, recklessness and most present feeling: craving. Insatiable craving. Before, I was like a lost boy, walking in a foggy place, and now I’ve found what had drawn me to there in the first place: Allura.   
I would be lying if I said my feelings for her have always been entirely platonic. After our peck, I did have thoughts of the two of us in a more romantic setting, but there were no emotions present. Or at least, that’s what I thought. That was, until today.  
She must’ve noticed I haven’t changed my expression, because she placed her latte back on the table, and reached for a napkin, I reached out, fast as a cheetah and grabbed her hand.  
“No, please, let me help.” I whispered in a pleading voice. I’ve never seen anyone look as taken aback, but my help wasn’t refused.   
As softly as it was possible for me, using my non dominant hand, I wiped her lips.  
My right hand on top of hers, my left hand was wiping her face, and our faces. Oh god how close they were. I could feel her eyes on me, and once her lips were clean, I met her gaze.   
It felt like there was something between the two of us, pulling us closer. Resisting would be fruitless, and this is how we shared yet another kiss.  
Pulling back was hard. Opening my eyes was even harder.  
“What are we even doing?” She whimpered once we parted our ways.   
“What I should’ve done back when you first kissed me.” I met her uncertain gaze.  
“Look, I know that right now none of us are in a good place, mentally speaking. But, Allura… really think the two of us could make it work. Despite the distance.” All it took was a moment, and then, she smiled at me, and pecked my lips again.

\- - -

It was Hunk’s idea, thankfully, Lance’s parents were on board, and this is how our group ended up having a huge sleepover.  
Lance, Keith, Hunk, Pidge, Shay, Allura and myself were all sitting around the table.   
Lance’s whole family left us a bit earlier, leaving to their house in Cuba, Lance would join them in a week.  
Speaking of Lance, it was obvious how bad he and Keith had it for each other. Constant glances, brushes, more or less accidental, still I was happy for them. Hunk and Shay weren’t as obvious about their relationship.  
Personally, I was happy just holding Allura’s hand.  
Sure, the distance between the two of us over the next years would only grow, but what we had felt enough for now.


End file.
